Hey y’all,

We want to talk about something that most members of the LGBTQ+ community struggle with: things we try to hide or change about ourselves before we come out.

We’re discussing the things we were ashamed of when we were young (playing with dolls), the things we wished were different about us growing up (our voices, mainly), and why we felt shame by not doing what society thinks a typical young male should do.

We also talk about internal homophobia and how it still affects us today in some ways. We feel it’s an important topic and would love to hear if you’re experiencing this, too. When we share vulnerable things that we’re embarrassed about or ashamed of, we realize that maybe we’re not alone and that many more people go through the exact same things as we do. It’s a comforting feeling and it’s one that can sometimes bring us all closer together.

We hope you enjoy, and let us know in the comments below what you think!

Best,
PJ & Thomas

Internalized homophobia definition: the involuntary belief by lesbians and gay men that the homophobic lies, stereotypes and myths about them (that are delivered to everyone in a heterosexist / homophobic society) ARE TRUE.

Source:

APPAREL

We’re PJ and Thomas, husbands living in a small southern town in Tennessee. We have a passion for restoring old houses and interior design, and in our free time you’ll find us eating pizza and watching movies, drinking wine, and saying “y’all” like it’s our job. We’re so happy you stopped by, where we focus on topics like marriage, design, LGBTQIA+ issues, and every day life. Won’t you stay a while?

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28 COMMENTS

  1. I also disliked the sound of my voice when it was recorded, though not because I am gay. It just didn't sound like the ME I hear when I am talking! Listening to myself via tape, in the old days, and now on u-tube, helps me realize that I don't "hear" me "live" the way others do, and there is nothing I can do to change the way I sound to others.

  2. When I was a little girl I was absolutely into girl toys…i love my barbies but I also had fun at pre school playing with the trucks why does it matter so much to people is what I wonder…if your son wants a barbie get him a barbie why put that into kids minds…its 2020 i still feel like our society is so far behind that its so sad…

  3. This is very relatable! Like you I didn't like my voice because it thought it sounded gay. I was also conscious about my movement and the way I sit. The other thing I can think of is my intense dislike of the portrayal of gay men as campy or feminine on TV, or in the yaoi that I read, which was probably the only source of "gay entertainment" I had. I admit that I used to think "I'd go out with a girl if I liked a feminine-presenting person," not really knowing that there are many feminine gay men in real life. But I think the problem I had with yaoi was/is mostly with heteronormativity and the seme/uke dichotomy. Growing up I never enjoyed the stereotypically gay things, or masculine things to be honest, because I was just a huge geek/nerd. I didn't like barbies because I thought they were creepy (I prefer Pokemon figurines and plushies), though I enjoyed the "girly" TV shows or movies. I wasn't interested in make up though I did try out mom's heels with my sisters because I thought the shoes were cool.

  4. I too think my voice sounds different in my head than what I hear recorded. Hmm? I also think I am “tone deaf “ though. My story is I grew up on a farm and had to work like a man driving tractors, combines, trans axle trucks etc… My career was a Fire Chief for 35 years (openly gay) and well respected by all. The guys always said “ you are too gay to be straight and you are too straight to be gay”. Yeah, figure that one out! LOL! Thank you for the video.

  5. Extremely interesting. I've watched you guys for years on-and-off, and I always perceived of PJ as so excessively masculine that I thought it seemed strange. Today changed that perception. I'm not saying that I related Thomas' behavior as feminine at all: it was just neutral. It was something I could readily identify with.

  6. Because of my circle of artsy friends, mostly girls, and the community in which I was raised I considered unusual things that I liked to do as being individualistic and eccentric. This was in the "50s, '60s and '70s. It took some time for me to recognize my own sexuality. Having 5 sisters made it easier for me to have platonic female friends that I could ask to dances with no expectation of making out.

  7. Everything about this is still keeping me from having normal interactions with other men gay or straight , I’m 35 and don’t think I’ll ever have a boyfriend , I know, depressing but yeah depression takes a toll on your brain , your emotions , your ability to give and receive love .all I see here is what I’ll never have and tho I want so terribly to feel joy at your happiness I’m embittered by jealousy and as a result feel like such a shitty person. There is no winning.

  8. IF (2020) DOES NOT LOOK LIKE THE END OF THE WORLD TO YOU, THEN YOU MUST BE DREAMING OR SLEEPING.

    IT IS TIME TO WAKE UP, PEOPLE, THIS IS THE TIME TO CHOOSE BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL, BECAUSE ARMAGEDDON IS COMING…!

    CHOOSE JESUS CHRIST (SON OF GOD, SON OF MAN, KING OF KINGS, LORD OF LORDS, THE LIGHT, THE TRUTH, AND THE ETERNAL LIFE).

    DO NOT CHOOSE SATAN (SON OF LAWLESSNESS, THE DEVIL, THE DRAGON, THE SERPENT, THE DECEIVER AND DEATH).

    CHOOSE CAREFULLY….!
    CHOOSE WISELY….!
    CHOOSE NOW….!

    JESUS CHRIST IS COMING SOON, STOP LIVING IN THE WORLD, STOP LIVING IN THE FLESH, STOP WASTING TIME BEHIND THE LITTLE THINGS OF THE WORLD, THERE IS NO MORE TIME LEFT TO WASTE ANYMORE, WAKE UP NOW…! REPENT NOW…!

    THE RAPTURE OF THE CHURCH IS BEHIND THE CORNER, THE KINGDOM OF GOD IS AT HAND…!

    CHOOSE JESUS CHRIST NOW…! HE IS COMING…!
    CHOOSE JESUS CHRIST NOW…! HE IS COMING…!
    CHOOSE JESUS CHRIST NOW…! HE IS COMING…!
    CHOOSE JESUS CHRIST NOW…! HE IS COMING…!
    CHOOSE JESUS CHRIST NOW…! HE IS COMING…!
    CHOOSE JESUS CHRIST NOW…! HE IS COMING…!
    CHOOSE JESUS CHRIST NOW…! HE IS COMING…!

    GET ON BOARD NOW…!
    GET ON THE ARK NOW…!

  9. I think both of you guys are so cute. Have you been for a long time? I know when I was growing up my family didn't like it that I was so different. Nobody in school would have a thing to do with me. I grew up in a small town where I stuck out like a sore thumb. I became angry and turned into a flaming queen just to upset people. I thought you can be the crampy human being you are, why can't I be who I am.

  10. I grew up hearing 24/7:
    Mind your walk!!
    Hands inside pockets!!
    Speak properly!!

    All of this because my family was trying to "protect" me in their bizarre way from getting bullied and laughed at, even if I tried I still went through hell during junior high and high school 🙁

  11. I've noticed that whenever I see a camp gay or drag queen, I'll be telling them in my mind to dile it back(I like to say that I am very un-homophobic) I think I've been able to fix it for the most part at this point.

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